The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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