Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
