have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
