dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
