He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
