wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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