i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
