I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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