Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
