life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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