Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
