You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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