sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
