This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
