i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
