Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
