I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
