About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
