im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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