the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize