I accidentally had phone sex last night
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
