Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
