A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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