We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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