I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
