I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
