Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize