I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
