Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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