and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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