dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
