I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
