It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
