Cold hands, warm shart.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
