is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
