Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
