areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
