NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
