Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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