So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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