well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
