So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
