So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
