Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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