you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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