dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
