he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
