I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
