"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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