I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
