I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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