I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A bitchslap is in order.
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