remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
