Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
