i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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