I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
