wanna go halves on a baby?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
