I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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