Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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