so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
