So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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