speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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