Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
