He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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