YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
