i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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