I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
