dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
