Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize