There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
