My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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