think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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